Stop Calling me a Whore !

It has been a tumultuous time for women since ages immemorial. I need not point out the situations she has to put up with in order of her survival. From the time she is conceived in her mother’s womb to the day till she dies, she is put to test by all and sundry, by all her relations-family and foes.

Today I sit before my laptop, thinking blankly about what a woman faces throughout life and this time I’m trying hard to not talk about physical violence, rape and molestation. The misogynistic society has left no stone unturned to make sure her work an uphill task. Physical trauma cause scars which can be erased but mental and emotional mutilation has no cure. I’m more than sure of the fact that all of us have been sometime, somewhere by someone been emotionally or mentally hurt to the level that jeopardized our well-being.

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The society we live in is a sexist one ! Let’s face it. No matter how much we talk of Women Empowerment so clamorously, but deep down there every woman is unhappy. We have to face criticism,jealousy,malice,judgemental remarks from the male dominated arena around us.

There are plethora of examples where working in a Call Centre/BPO is not considered ‘good’ for girls. People raise an eyebrow and assume her as a Prostitute, not that I wish to offend the Prostitutes for that matter ! If she works late, she’s irresponsible, if she speaks out her mind, she is arrogant and if she is crazily successful she has definitely slept with someone to reach to the pinnacles of success. We live with this mentality and shackles of social stigmas. How often we come across a pretty girl who dresses up quite well and puts some more quantity of make up on to look good, people often call her bad names-someone with multiple affairs, how often we see a woman who has had several breakups in the past but people call her a non-virgin slut, unworthy of a new relationship. Isn’t it ridiculous to call a sexually active female a ‘whore’ or overrate ‘virginity’ and make it a big deal. Why a guy before marrying a girl prefers ‘checking’ her himself by setting up spies behind her and digging out old records of her school/college just to ascertain whether she had a ‘decent’ conduct or not ?silencing-women

I mean what’s the point if i had some creepy,good-for-nothing boyfriends in the past who broke my heart and made me stronger in life ? What’s wrong if I was daring enough and went with what my heart said and had the courage to sleep with someone ? Isn’t it my basic right to live my life on my terms and conditions ? Why it is so difficult for you all to come round to one point that if I drink or smoke I’m not a Whore ! I dance at pubs because I love hanging out with my friends, I stay out late at night because that’s part of my job, I smile and talk and pat you on you shoulders because it’s a normal gesture not because I want to sleep with you and I wear clothes that I want to because I can afford it ! You don’t like it take your eyes off me.

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It’s horrible to see girls being judged on grounds of clothes they wear, company they keep, job they do or habits they have acquired. People stare at us, pass lewd comments and letch us as if we are a mere commodity. It’s not ”us” who needs to change but everybody else out there who think Women are mere objects !

We don’t need to cover ourselves up but you all need to learn to lower your gaze. We don’t need to stay back home late at nights but you should have the courage and guts to stand up for anything wrong done to us. It’s not us who need to lower our voices,it’s you who need to learn to listen and understand. It’s not us who should sit back home, but you need to learn to face defeat, appreciate our success and take it as a healthy competition.

Power struggle

Just because we own a fragile body, doesn’t make us weaker in any case. Highly impressed by what recently a 3 times National Award winning Bollywood actress said

“I’m proud of my fragile body and soft hands and sharp mind.. I’ll use what is sharp and not what’s soft”

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Challenges at 27 !

This is Space Age. Every thing happens at an enormous speed. People are so engrossed in their schedules that the basic aim of living often gets jeopardized.

In our society, being a girl is a challenge in itself. The day we get conceived in our Mother’s womb, our struggle begins. Sometimes we stand against our own relatives,society and friends to prove our worth. I want to highlight some of the challleges a woman may face if she’s 27 and trying to carve her niche in this mammoth world.

1. She has to time and again prove herself.

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See the society rarely accepts a woman on top. She has to slog away, performing every bit of her share to keep up !

2. Most of her friends are settled in the U.S

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Sadly,she chose her career over comfort and now drools over the pictures her married friends post every weekend on social media.

3. Most of her friends have kids.tumblr_inline_mortg4DNTj1qz4rgp

Now this adds some more pressure to her. Not that she doesn’t wants, but at the righ time. While she dodges the “when” questions,most of her friends are changing diapers and teaching their kids to walk !

4. She has no time for Boy Problems

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Its a boon as well a bane if you are committed at 27 ! You are so high on adrenaline at this point of life that every concern gives you fits and turns you into a moody bitch.

5. You want to travel the World but you can’t !images6d7e24d7f69d5e1003cecb5f66a1a75a

At this age she probably has realized life is too short for clichéd living. She aims for carefree loitering with her best buddies but hey, she can’t ! She has a job,maybe she’s running out of money,got bills to pay and still “get married”.

6. The Parent’s Drama

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The hardest challenge. To face the emotional atmosphere created everytime you visit home. Either they have a groom waiting for you or plethora of biodatas to ponder upon. The “I have little time left” episodes start pouring over and she has to decide whether to shoot herself point blank or jump off a cliff ! Phew.

7. At the Work front

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Medicos like me get employed quite late. So, if you’re 27 and still not so well unemployed I can get it very well what you feel ! It feels we are good for nothing and should’ve chosen something else to do with our lives.download (1)

But hey, ladies at or approaching 27 ! You’re beautiful and capable of anything. Just remember that you have the potential in you to get the tables turn and get thing going. Perseverance and a little more patience will get you what you want.

So shake off the grumpiness, wear that beautiful smile, work harder and get your stilettos on to conquer the World !

Ignorance is a Curse

Indian society is a meshwork of traditions,rules and customs. Traditions are good as they give us a direction for living. Our ancestors designed them in such a way that we need not find ourselves in a dilemma over how to get certain things done. They were wise enough that we will land on crossroads and will not be able to take lead. I’m greatful for few things that define our rich cultural heritage. Our traditions of which we are so proud of.

But there are certain things which get ignored just in the name of Tradition. I must say some people are so hellbent over following traditions that they tend to surpass all limits of humanity and empathy.

This blog is inspired from a real life incident. Being a girl I’m deeply touched by girl issues. I have a neighbor whose niece  recently got married after much humdrum over her love affair. She got married at tender age of 22 after much hullabaloo in her family. Within a month after her marriage she conceived and after much complications delivered a baby boy. There’s more to the story,she kept on bleeding for 2 months and the doctors declared to remove her uterus-her womb !

Phew..all this at an age of 22 years ! Shockingly the parents have absolutely no role in guiding the poor girl. The guy who married her absolutely had no clue about contraceptive methods. In this era,in 21st century ! People are so dumb that they don’t know the difference between raising kids and raising herd of animals ! People find it so easy to love but is loving is enough ? Is taking care of your partner’s health and not risking it not a love bound duty ? I believe the issue arises as why people get married at such a young age ? I’m not talking about the arrange marriages. Love marriages happening at tender ages and girls getting pregnant soon enough unaware of the health risk factors associated with their sex life. What I have noticed pre marital sex is still a taboo,something unheard of in towns and small cities. Majority of couples crave marriage for their final “nuptial” affair. But then they are too young and mostly unaware of contraception, safe sex and complications of early pregnancy. In no time young lovers turn into parents and the ignorant cycle continues. They’re not aware of child health care even and that again compromises his health.

What I aim through this article, girls and boys please,if you love someone and are physically engaged please have the responsibility to practice healthy ways and don’t risk your lives into something that you’re not fit for at the moment. Parents who get their daughters married at an early age educate her well so that she knows when she has to say no. Educate your boys to use a condom !

When ignorance spreads so vast that it starts compromising human life someone has to shamelessly stand up. And I choose to be that shameless person.

Stay healthy !

Indian Marriages-Hypocricy Epitomised

If I am asked “what is your biggest fear” I will say getting married,for sure. Not because I detain from responsibilities or dread comittment but the conspiracy surrounding the entire affair makes me weak in my knees.

From finding a match to planning the event/attire/venue/gifts and even your babies, everyone has a free will to speak up. People tend to forget that actually “two” people are getting married and you are supposed to give your blessings only.

The entire humdrum starts as soon as the girl comes of age and the boy starts earning. Relatives especially parents turn into hysterical creatures throwing all kind of emotional tantrums and “if-I’m-dead” paranoics. They even threaten to throw you away from the house if you don’t agree to get hitched. Most dramatic ones are the aged lots. All the grandparents flock together and conspire means by which they can allure their grandchildren to give them the “happiness” to get screwed when they are alive. They give offers of declaring you heirs to their ruthless,hard earned and immense money.

Parents bribe/threaten/empathize/alure/nag and even force you into the trap. Where boys find it easier to dodge the offers, girls tend to succumb to the conspiracy. We are often asked to discontinue our studies,our “unacceptable” hobbies are terminated and feathers of ambitious dreams are cluttered. Boys have to face the forced dramatic consequences of their parents and offered various offers in return of getting married.

One of the biggest hypocricy I see in the institution of marriage is the act of Dowry. I dont blame everyone for this heinous crime but those who indulge in it,do it shamelessly ! The “price” of the boy is fixed according to his professions. Guys who are civil servants,doctors or other high professionals have their price fixed to some crores. I’m sorry if I’m wrong with the figures,but the details are horrifying. Even the girls have to face consequences if they are dark complexioned/obese/short heighted/educated/intelligent/outspoken/Aspiring/ambitious/well-settled or even open-minded ! Marriage is union and compatibility of two people only. All the monetary and such vandalising affair should be of least importance. But for some people its an opportunity to earn good return price for what they have spent on bringing up their boy to get married.

The drama continues till all superstitions are satisfied and no omens prevail. The girl can’t walk/talk/roam about freely even in her house ! She has to “limit” herself to her room and everyone stares at her as if she’s a goat about to be sacrificed. All the elderly ladies who had been giving her lectures about good character and maintaining “purity” since her childhood suddenly start teaching about “sex” ! What an irony,whole life you’re all so called cultured and traditional to an extent that you can’t tolerate her male friends even and just in a day you lecture her about the “blood and hymen” stories. Mind boggling !

That means marriage is a certificate to have legal and elders suggested sex ! Come on,who thinks like that ? Sex being the most overrated and over hyped topic in Indian society,they fail to come round to the fact that most youngsters are indulged in pre marital sex because for them marriage is definitely not just a sex license.

Another hypocricy that I have observed is the family never allowed late night stay backs/partying with male friends/outdoor stays and even co educational school and you want your girl hitched up with a total stranger and next day shamelessly ask “how it was” ! The amazing fact is,the girl would definitely have been petrified and so called “romantic nuptial affair” would have turned into a painful experience which of course she won’t tell because everybody is so happy and chirpy and she has the pressure to keep up with your expectations.

In the name of traditions many social and emotional malpractices take place which are not even crimes under Indian Penal Code,so there’s no hearing for them. But we do suffer,a lot actually. Already we are under emotional turmoil of leaving everything behind and settling in a completely new surrounding,we don’t need to have hypocricy in the name of something as beautiful as Marriage.

I believe in the institution of Marriage but completely against the foolery involved in the name of traditions.

I do respect traditions too but the actual goal of our existence is to be Happy ! And if something doesn’t actually make you happy you need to discard it. I bet if there were less drama most of the youth would happily agree to it.

So girls and boys,its you time to get married and be happy.

Good luck 🙂

The Correct Age to get Married

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We live in times where everything is a perfect example of symbiotic relationship. If you give your 100%, you can expect favorable returns. Everybody is so competitive nowadays that you cannot discriminate them on the basis of their gender alone.

Our society has always been male dominated. Males are the bread winners,the protectors and the caretakers while women are designated as the homemakers, child bearers and nourishers. We cannot deny responsibilities bestowed on us by Nature. But today women equally participate in work away from home,in paying bills and bearing equal responsibilities with men. With an extra crux, an essential aspect of our existence is losing its charm- Marriage.

I’m not saying that marriage is wrong and not necessary. But with women stepping out of their households and joining every sphere of life, marriage is losing its importance. Youth are more career oriented today and often find themselves in a dilemma when it comes to settling down in terms of marriage. Even couples in a romantic relationship prefer living in together rather than getting married. Not to disrespect anyone’s sentiments,I’m utterly aghasted by the entire concept of maeriage and till now not able to discern when exactly should we get married ?

Some people say they want to get married once they et settled and start earning. But do you really think its feasible then ? I mean you have a new job,new responsibilities and slightest mistake can cause a setback to your career. A point where utmost attention is required you cannot afford a distraction back home. Some people say marrying earlier in age is beneficial especially for girls. Excuse me ! I mean how is that relevant. We know our cycles and come on marrying late won’t cause us to menopause. I agree there are complications of marrying later in life but then what medical science is for !

Again some people advise to get married when boys start behaving weirdly at home and girls start spending more time on their cell phones ! I know this one was hilarious but is true. But our Indian society interprets frustration or relationships as sound of wedding bells. The debate goes on with boys ideal age being 30 years and girls age not exceeding 25.

But do you really think age,intellect,educational qualification or financial status are the parameters to discern ideal age for marriage ?

I think one should go for it when you actually “feel” you’re ready for it. People have high expectations of their going-to-be spouses. Some want rich husband others want beautiful wife, some expect highly qualified husband others ant a timid and quiet homemaker. But do we really ponder upon the fact that are we really the person whom others would want ? Why not try making yourself eligible for choice first rather than being so demanding. Looking for “right” person is OK but being the right person is unheard of.

So rather than debating with yourself whether to get married or not try asking yourself ” am I the type of person I would myself want to get married to” and you will know.

Bleeding and Not ashamed of It !

In reference to the buzz on social media by the nonchalant remark of a top authority of a Temple’s foundation in Kerala,India over women’s insanity and purity during “that” time of the month is purely blasphemous chauvinist.

Yes we do bleed every single month but that does not at all mean we are unholy or untouchable or someone alien at that time.I completely don’t understand the concept of refraining from religious, daily household and other pious activities at this time of the month.menstrual-taboo-menstrupedia

For people who unfortunately do not have any scientific background to this event in a girl’s body-it’s an attempt by the body to nourish the anticipated embryo/fetus. The body gathers best blood from the system,scrutinizing all d goodness and nourishment into it incase of fertilization (sperm fusing with the ovum) and implantation (embryo attaching to uterus wall). So by what logic we stand impure/unfit/unhealthy for any job. It’s like a routine. Come on, we are used to it, when you guys are going to be ?

Now the point that arises is who gave rights to such people to question on our purity over something that is planted in us by God himself ? How can someone declare us unfit for certain daily chores and outcast for a week when god himself bestowed these events on us. What right do such officials have to propagate their idiocy on our means ?

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The person who came into limelight demanded inventions of scanners to test purity of women whether they could be allowed inside temples or not. Such blasphemous remarks are nothing but hints of male chauvinism and patriarchy.

My answer to such people is- yes I do bleed and I’m not at all ashamed of it. I know I have the capacity to bring a life to this world because God considered “us” worthy of it and not you.

So I bleed…and I am proud of it.

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Realize a Man’s Importance

Men’s day is just round the corner and I think they are the most neglected species when it comes to giving credit. I mean seriously,there is always a huge buzz over Women’s Day but we hardly care about what our male counterpart feels about it. We blame them to be sexist if they don’t appreciate and admire your womanhood but Men’s Day-everybody gasps in surprise and neglect.

I have always been amongst those girls who were brought up in a very liberal atmosphere. My father,a self made man was always someone i looked up to in life. He was actually the first male who touched my life. Then came so many friends and acquaintances who in some way or the other moulded my thinking and life.

We accept or not,men are amazing creation of God. Just as a woman is as delicate as a flower,men are just the same but with thorns. They keep them self guarded by the toughness and hostility because deep inside they are soft and mellow. Yes they care for us,they open car doors,pull chairs,open doors,say ladies first,buy us gifts,spend half of their salaries on us,bear our tantrums and sarcasm,always up to take our calls  and do stuff that we want.

They do deserve some respect in return. Not every man is a rapist and a chauvinist. We have all become so feminist that we tend to put aside their importance in our lives and blame them for keeping fickle minds. I mean if they are little possessive its because they love you,if they stop you from wearing certain clothes they just want you to be protected from mishaps and even if they shout on us don’t we burst out when we are PMSing ? He bears it with such composure.

So ladies don’t be so insensitive. He cares,a lot actually. This week take the lead,come out of the cliche and take your man out. Show him you care and appreciate. Because a Man and a Woman if in harmony, will make a complete society.

Happy Men’s Day !